


case of the missing uterus

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dialogue, Impromptu organ harvesting, Jellied Spaghetti-O's, Nifty hat, just a shitty inside joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:22:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24810757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23207476/chapters/55558078 is essentially a prequel and despite being a shitty joke between the two of us the formatting and comic panels are sick go check it out
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	case of the missing uterus

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ebf4jay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ebf4jay/gifts).



> https://archiveofourown.org/works/23207476/chapters/55558078 is essentially a prequel and despite being a shitty joke between the two of us the formatting and comic panels are sick go check it out

ROSE: Kanaya? Is that you rifling around in the kitchen or has Dave finally given in and gone feral?  
KANAYA: Yes sorry Im In Here  
KANAYA: I Was Trying To Make Jellied SpaghettiOs Like You Love So Much And Knocked Over A Few Things On The Counter  
ROSE: Well when you're done making a mess of our culinary quarters, would you mind coming in here?  
ROSE: There's something rather important I'd like to discuss with you.  
KANAYA: One Second Dear I Will Be Right There  
[KANAYA SITS DOWN ACROSS FROM ROSE, BOWL OF JELLIED SPAGHETTI-O'S IN HAND]  
KANAYA: What Is It You Wanted To Talk About  
ROSE: I suppose there isn't an easy way to go about this.  
ROSE: Kanaya, I think you have a problem.  
ROSE: A problem...  
[KANAYA PAUSES, SPOONFUL OF SPAJELLIOS HOVERING MID-AIR]  
ROSE: ...Hoarding uteruses.  
[THE AFOREMENTIONED SPOON DROPS AND CLATTERS ON THE GROUND. BY GOD, CONGEALED PASTA IS EVERYWHERE.]  
KANAYA: How Did You Find Out About This  
KANAYA: I Thought I Was Hiding It Pretty Well  
ROSE: Well, when a woman's uterus goes missing in the dead of night, it really gets her thinking.  
ROSE: Organ harvesting is amok, she thinks. Then she rolls over and dies from blood loss.  
ROSE: Luckily that is not nearly a dignified enough death to be considered Just or Heroic, just really pathetically sad. God weeps.  
KANAYA: I...  
ROSE: But that's not all.  
ROSE: When a uterus inconspicuously shows up the following night, floating innocently in a sealed jar of formaldehyde, sitting on your own bedside table... you get to thinking some more.  
ROSE: "Did my wife steal my uterus?", she thinks. Yes, little lady. Your wife stole your fucking uterus. Come on Kanaya.  
ROSE: If you wanted some of the monthly just stick a straw in there like a normal person. It's not rocket science.  
[KANAYA LOOKS UP FROM LICKING SPAGHETTI-O'S UP OFF THE FLOOR]  
KANAYA: I Suppose I Have Some Explaining To Do  
KANAYA: I Just Know How You Talk So Longingly Day And Night About How Much You Love Hysterectomies  
KANAYA: And Your Human Birthday Is Next Week  
KANAYA: I Just Thought It Would Be Nice Of Me To Give You Your Very Own Impromptu Hysterectomy  
ROSE: That's...  
[ROSE STARTS TO TEAR UP]  
ROSE: That's really sweet, Kanaya. I /do/ love a good hysterectomy.  
KANAYA: See  
KANAYA: I Knew It Would Make You Happy  
[ROSE AND KANAYA EMBRACE WITH ALL THE WARMTH OF A FRESHLY HARVESTED UTERUS. KANAYA LEANS OVER FOR A KISS, LOVINGLY SPITTING UP SOME HALF-CHEWED SPAGHETTI-O'S INTO ROSE'S MOUTH AS A LITTLE TREAT. ALL IS WELL.]  


[--LATER THAT NIGHT--]  


ROSE: Kanaya, do you know where my toothbrush i—  
[KANAYA TURNS AROUND, VISIBLY WEARING A WHOLE ASS UTERUS STRETCHED OVER HER HEAD LIKE A LITTLE HAT. HER HORNS KINDA GO UP WHERE THE TUBES WOULD BE AND THE OVARIES DANGLE LIKE LITTLE POMPOMS.]  
ROSE: Motherfucker.  


**Author's Note:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jJg0LgMH9Y


End file.
